CLM 459 New Families in Christ (part 1)

Wed, 30 Jul 1997

Clergy/Leaders' Mail-list No. 459 [This appeared in ALL ABOUT FAMILIES, edited by Norman Bales.] NEW FAMLIES IN CHRIST by Norman Bales TEXT: Colossians 3:18-21 INTRODUCTION In Colossians 3, Paul encouraged his readers to live by new standards. In verse 2, he said, "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." He wanted his readers to understand that their commitment to the gospel affects every aspect of their lives. Becoming a Christian means that things change. Paul had explained to the Corinthians that all things are new in Christ. Old things are passed away. (See 2 Corinthians 5:17). There is no area in which our commitment to the new life in Christ is tested more seriously than in family relationships. OVERVIEW OF THE TEXT Among other things, Paul wrote to his friends who lived in the Lychus river valley to help them see the connection between the new life in Christ and the affairs of daily living in their families. He wrote, Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. (Colossians 3:18-21) Additional Instruction From Other Teachers In my study of Colossians, I'm impressed by the fact that Paul chose to be selective in his discussion of family responsibility. Although Paul's teaching about family takes up only about 4 per cent of the Colossian letter, I doubt very seriously that these four verses made up everything the Colossian church was taught about family relationships. The people there had exposure to Christian instruction from numerous other sources. Epaphras was a home town boy and he was traveling with Paul. Quite possibly on his return home, Epaphras would have been given opportunity to expand on Paul's message. Two men, Tychichus and Onesimus, were apparently bringing the letter with them. Perhaps the Colossians received significant oral teaching from these two brothers, who had recently been in Paul's company. Mark was planning a trip to Colosse and Archippus was assisting them in some kind of project that Paul wanted them to bring to completion. Besides that, a letter had been sent to Laodicea, which Paul expected to circulate among the Colossians. How detailed all this teaching was, we can't say, but evidently, it went far beyond the skeleton outline we have in Colossians. We actually have only a limited number of Biblical texts which deal specifically with families. There is a tremendous amount of Biblical material on human relationships. The same principles God wants us to observe in dealing with fellow Christians, fellow workers and friends, also apply to the family. For example, in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7, Paul describes love this way, " Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Was Paul talking specifically to families? Obviously it's much broader than that. Does it apply to families? Absolutely. Colossians 3:18-21 was not intended to be a comprehensive guide on family responsibilities for the members of the Colossian church and it most certainly does not tell us everything we need to know. On the other hand, it gives us some important information about how we make family relationships work. THE SUBMISSION PRINCIPLE In these verses Paul discussed the nature of submission. The word "submit" raises a red flag in today's world. A few years ago, I performed a marriage ceremony for a couple who had met through "Parents without Partners." Just before the wedding, the bride and groom both came to me and said, "We want you to read Ephesians 5:22-33 in the ceremony." That's an expanded version of Colossians 3:18-21. Just like this section it starts out by saying, "Wives submit to yours husbands." These folks from "Parents Without Partners" were not church going folks for the most part. I simply read Paul's words. I thought I could almost hear an audible gasp and some even talked with me about it after the ceremony. Paul seemed out of touch with the nineties. Their aversion to submission arose partly from their spirit of independence. They were caught up in the prevailing sentiment of the times. Some of it may have stemmed from a failure to understand what Paul meant by submission. Mutual Submission The word translated "submit" is a military term and it means "to put yourself under the leadership of another." Paul speaks of voluntary submission. Biblical submission is not only voluntary, it is reciprocal. In the Ephesians passage, Paul prefaced his discussion of wives being in submission with this thought in Ephesians 5:21 " Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." That verse says every one who has reverence for Christ submits to everyone else. That's mutual submission. Does it apply to a husband and wife? If they're both Christians, why wouldn't it apply? I reiterate my premise that New Testament teaching about relationships in general applies to the family as much as it does to other relationships. In Ephesians 5, Paul was saying that mutual submission flows naturally out of our reverence for Christ. A Basic Principle of Christian Living Until we learn mutual submission, we're going to have trouble getting along with people. If you see a person, who has trouble getting along with the folks at work and getting along with the folks at church, there's a good chance that person isn't doing all that well in a family relationship. Here's the basic problem. In every person, there is a tendency toward being self-willed. In every person there is a desire for power and a fear of losing control. Power urges are at the root of most human conflict. We ask, "Who's going to call the shots?" "Whose will is going to prevail?" "Who's going to be king of the hill?" "Who's going to be number one in the pecking order?" In the late 1930's William Waller wrote several books about families even though his own family experience was a complete disaster. His parents' marriage had been a failure, so he didn't have a very good model. After years of bitter struggle, Waller and his wife gave up on their marriage and got a divorce. He tried to find out why his own family experience had been so unsatisfactory. He began seeing a lot of marriages crumbling in divorce, but these were the depression years, and divorce wasn't an option for many people because they simply couldn't afford it. He concluded that many married couples stayed together for religious reasons or a sense of family obligation, but in many of these marriages he saw extreme unhappiness. He kept trying to find the cause. Ultimately he decided that the underlying cause of all this marital discontent could be explained by the inherent craving for power in human nature. (Source: Anthony Campolo. _The Power Delusion_. (p. 17). If Waller was correct (and I don't see how you can successfully refute his premise), then it makes perfect sense that Paul would say to Christians, whose minds are set on things above, "you need to learn how to submit. " Paul is telling us to forget about trying to protect our positions of power and relinquish the desire to control others. Only then can we expect to enjoy human relationships. That fits like a hand in a glove with such comments as "is fitting in the Lord" and "for this pleases the Lord." And it also fits with the example of Christ. Paul's main subject in Colossians is "Christ in you, the hope of Glory." (1:27). There's no doubt that he thought of Jesus as the head of the church . He said as much in Colossians 1:18, but Jesus didn't gain that position through power manipulation. He gained it through submission. According to Philippians 2:8 ". . . he humbled himself and became obedient to death -- even death on a cross!" If we're going to get along with each other we will have to humble ourselves as Christ did. If we're going to make our homes Christ like homes, we have to learn how to submit. [To be continued in CLM 460] ____________________________ Minden Church of Christ mcoc@mindchurch.org with the Subject line SUBSCRIBE FAMILY, if you wish to subscribe direct to All About Families E-mail: nlbales@prysm.net Web: http://www.mindchurch.org/family ____________________________ Clergy/Leaders' Mailing List (Moderated) This mailing list is open to all Christians via Internet e-mail and most fax destinations. 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