Are you fun to live with?

Fri, 13 Dec 1996

Clergy/Leaders' Mail-list No. 328 

     A good question

     Shalom!  Rowland Croucher

     Director, John Mark Ministries - resources for pastors/leaders.
       (Bookroom, library, and worldwide F.W.Boreham Trading Post)
                 Home Page: http://www.pastornet.net.au/jmm


                                Are You Fun
                               to Live With?


by Norman Bales

    Dr. Robert Rigdon is a friend from Sylva, North Carolina.  For
    many years he served as a professor of counseling at Western
    Carolina University.   Bob has done some significant work in
    applying Maslow's hierarchy of human needs to a Christian
    context. He sees every need identified by Malsow not only as a
    legitimate need, but as a need addressed in Scripture.   To
    Maslow's hierarchy, he adds the need for play, laughter and
    humor.  I believe Bob is correct in his assertions and in this
    week's feature article, I attempt to show the importance of
    "fun" in a marriage.   My marriage is fun. I hope yours is.


While browsing through the marriage and family section of a book store,
I came across this intriguing title, "Are You Fun To Live With?"    I
didn't read the book, but I started asking myself the same question.  I
consider myself honest, respectable, serious minded, devoted, loving
and caring.   But am I fun to live with?   Well, I guess you'll have to
ask my wife, Ann, to find out the answer to that question.   However, I
don't think I can let myself off the hook quite that easily.  "Should I
be fun to live with?"

The answer is "yes."   Under the Old Testament law, a newlywed husband
was exempt from military service for an entire year for the purpose of
making marriage fun. At least that's the way I read Deuteronomy 24:5 -
"If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any
other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home
and bring happiness to the wife he has married."

Most newlyweds I meet seem to be having fun.   Oh, I don't mean they
are taking ski trips to Colorado, enrolling in hang gliding classes or
even making weekend trips to Texas Stadium in the fall so they can
watch the Cowboys play.   Fun is a more fundamental thing.   Watch
newlyweds at the grocery store.   Sometimes they have a blast just
selecting the food they intend to consume the next week.  They have
fun planning the decor in their apartment,  sharing a picnic in the
park, even shopping for a pair of socks. ("Are you serious?  You would
actually go out in public wearing green and gold argyle socks?")   The
process of learning each other's likes and dislikes ("I wouldn't serve
oatmeal to someone I can't stand, much less eat it myself) is an
exciting and sometime times playful adventure in mutual discovery.  My
wife began to wonder what kind of man she married, when she learned
that I like peanut butter and sweet pickle sandwiches.

Unfortunately the thrill of mutual discovery fades after a while.  He
knows she adores the color purple and she knows he wouldn't eat prunes
even if he were starving.   The focus of their attention is aimed away
from the fun things to the necessary things - raising children, washing
clothes, mowing the yard and a gazillion other essential activities. 
In the process, we forget to have fun.   Is it important to bring the
fun back? I'm convinced that it is.  According to Proverbs 17:22 "A
cheerful heart is good medicine,  but a crushed spirit dries up the
bones."   When your marriage fades into drabness, it's time to take
steps to bring the fun back.   If you've been married a long time, one
of the most serious questions you can ask yourself is, "Am I fun to
live with?"

----------------------

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Minden Church of Christ
E-mail:  nlbales@prysm.net
Web:     http://www.mindchurch.org/family
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