INTERVIEWER
CAMERA MAN
ERNEST WITHERSPOON   Bachelor
DWAYNE SWATHYBOTTOM   Druggie
WINTHROP TIGERLILY-OCEANFLOWER   Cult Follower
BILLY STROGANOFF   Guy who came to his senses

(INTERVIEWER walks in with CAMERA MAN following.)

CAM. MAN OK Boss, we go to air in 10 seconds.

INTER.  What?  How do I look?  This better be the right place. Who's in charge here?

CAM. MAN 2...1...rolling.

INTER.  Ahem...Ah...Hi...Good evening right across Australia. This is "The Meaning of Life" brought to you by 'Rough As Guts Productions' and a special Good Evening to our unsuspecting live audience.  Well, I think they're alive...wait a minute...(pinches someone  who yells)... yes, they're alive.  Tonight, we bring the show to a group of young people in Townsville, who are presently enjoying a night of entertainment at... ah  Five Block Cafe.

CAM. MAN psst...LIVE ROCK CAFE.

INTER.  Yes, whatever... Now, tonight, I believe some important issues are being presented here on the theme LOST AND FOUND. As many young people across this nation search for real meaning in life, and an identity of their own, it is quite startling to observe the growing number of our youth leaving home at an early age, sometimes even running from home to find something better.  Do these impressionable youngsters, our leaders of tomorrow, find what they are looking for, or are they lost in the confusion and disillusionment of a world that does not meet up to their expectations?  (Lowering voice) To help us tonight, we have invited some of these people to attend tonight's "Jive Dock Cafe."

CAM. MAN LIVE ROCK CAFE!!!

INTER.   Yes, yes, yes...and in the anonymity of this unsuspecting crowd, to share honestly what they have discovered in their search for a better life.  Our first guest is Ernest Witherspoon.  Hi Ernest... Thanks for coming tonight.  Ernest, first let me ask the question "Why did you leave home?"

ERNEST Oh man!  My parents are real squares... you know, real strict and all that.  I had a little 2 X 3 bedroom that I had to share with my 5 year old brother... they were always on my back about tidying the room, mowing the lawn, no rock music...you know...not a real cool place to invite the babes over, ya know...I wasn't too keen on eating the vegies either, and Mum always wanted to ram it down my throat...Ah look there was just no freedom... hey, no room, I couldn't be my own boss...

INTER.  Thank you Ernest.  Now could you tell us, what were your plans when you left.  What were you looking for?

ERNEST Aw Mate... A nice modern apartment with a big living room for parties, a big state of the art hi fi with a lot of power for non stop rock.   Just a place where I could be boss and live it up a bit hey!

INTER.  That sounds reasonable.  So how did you go?

ERNEST Well, all alright, I 'spose.  I got a place down near the wharf.

INTER.  Yes...a nice roomy apartment?

ERNEST Sort of... more like a one bedroom cottage...There's plenty of room in the front yard...except for the long grass...I don't know why the landlord never mows...but it's OK, 'cos I've beaten a path up to the front door.  You've just gotta watch out for snakes.

INTER.  How's your hi-fi?

ERNEST Well, I'm saving up for it you know.  I'm economizing on the food.  It doesn't cost too much to feed me.  I've got onto this good brand of high-protein, tinned food.

INTER.  What brand is that?

ERNEST Pal!

INTER.     Yes, well, thanks for your time Ernest.  You're obviously heading towards achieving that freedom you wanted.  Our next guest is Dwayne Swathybottom.  Dwayne comes from a very high paced family, and decided to leave the stressful environment of home to find a calmer existence.  Dwayne, thanks for joining us.  How did you find the slower- paced life you were looking for?

DWAYNE Groan!

INTER.  I guess that was a rather silly question.  In choosing this way of life, firstly, has it achieved your goal of relieving your stress, and secondly, have you found more meaning in your life?

DWAYNE Groan!

INTER.  Ah, was that the answer to the first question or the second question? (Druggie falls over)  Never mind.  Next we speak to Winthrop Tigerlily-Oceanflower.  Welcome to the program, Winthrop...mind if I call you Winnie??

WIN.  Nah!  That's cool man!

INTER.  I believe you've made some meaningful discoveries since you left home.  Would you like to tell us about them, Winnie?  Mind if I call you Pooh?

WIN.  Pooh??

INTER.  Doesn't matter.

WIN.  Well, you know man, I thought I knew everything I needed to know about life...you know, we learnt a lot at school; you know astronomy, geology, chemistry, physics, how the world came into existence - all of that far out sort of stuff... But I always knew there was something missing, you know, like a key to open the door; like the last piece in the puzzle, and it wasn't until  I left home to search for it, that I truly found it.

INTER.  Yes...what did you find?

WIN.  The 3rd law of Gastrointestinal refluxodynamics, man!

INTER.  What is that?

WIN.  You want me to explain years of study and meditation in one sentence?

INTER.  Well, as best you can.

WIN.  The guts of it is... The rumbling in my tummy speaks to my inner  being.

INTER.  Is that it?

WIN.  (With conviction) It speaks to you, it speaks to the world... its forces have made the world what it is today.

INTER.  You mean, this is some kind of cult?

WIN.  No man, this is reality!!  Look, let me demonstrate.  Since I discovered this way of life, I've been a totally new person... in tune with my body, my soul and every other living creature in this vast universe.  Listen to this...(puts microphone up to stomach...sound effects)

INTER.  Whoa, that's deep, but what's it saying?

WIN.  Listen again...(same)

INTER.  (after a pause)...no, I just can't quite make it out.

WIN.  What it's saying is...It's time for another Big Mac ...See ya later pal!!

INTER.  OK, thanks Winthrop Tigerlily Oceanflower...Ah, we really must move on...And our final guest is a young man named Billy Stroganoff.  Hi Billy.  I believe you followed a similar path to Winthrop in your search for a better lifestyle.  How did you find meaning in life?

BILLY Well, I guess I did a lot of looking.  Tried one thing after another...cults, drugs, relationships, employment opportunities...I lived in communities, traveled ...I did just about all I could do to really find true meaning in life.

INTER.  And what did you find?

BILLY Well...In the end...I found that what I was searching for was all there...back where I started.   Love, security, a good foundation to get me somewhere worthwhile.  It was all there, back at good old square one...Home Sweet Home.

INTER.  What a remarkable discovery.  Thank you for sharing it with our viewers right around Australia.

CAM. MAN Sorry Boss...our satellite link got cut out right at the emotional bit.  I guess Australia will miss the punch line.

INTER.  Ah well...what's new about "Rough As Guts Productions?"  Anyway these people have heard it. This has been "The Meaning of Life", brought to you live at Tight Jock Cafe.

CAM. MAN Live Rock Boss!  (INTERVIEWER  trips over cord)  Our unsuspecting live...